Archive for April, 2010
MY MONOLOGUE JOKES FOR TODAY
Apr 29th
Gas prices have jumped to more than 9 dollars a gallon in a small town in Alaska. Democrats offered to help Sarah Palin save money at the pump by buying her a recalled Prius.
Bret Michaels’ sister spoke with Bret in the hospital and said he’s “sounding like Bret” again. Doctors admit this is a good sign, but are still waiting to upgrade his condition from “critical” to “freakin’ awesome”.
Amy Winehouse is being treated for bruised ribs. At least now her ribs match her liver.
An Iranian cleric blames earthquakes on promiscuous women. Great big fat promiscuous women.
A 15 year old boy has been accepted into Harvard, MIT and CalTech. He celebrated by making out with his imaginary girlfriend.
GUY PUTTING ON FLIP FLIP AT COACHELLA
Apr 21st
Thanks to Dave Holmes for this one. I mean, why WOULDN’T you want to hang out with 20,000 of these guys?!
MY MONOLOGUE JOKES FOR TODAY
Apr 21st
Today is Jesse James 41st birthday. Jesse celebrated by throwing away a really good-looking cake and eating a really nasty-looking cake instead.
This is also the one day a year where he doesn’t get in trouble for having his cake and eating it too.
The Pope gave victims of the sex abuse scandal assurances of the church’s action. Wait, isn’t church action what got everyone in trouble in the first place?
