Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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4 October, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Nothing creepier than meeting someone at a party, talking to them for 5 minutes, then coming home to a Facebook friend request.

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2 October, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.

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29 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Relationships are now just one person telling the other person to get off their phone.

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28 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I like walking past people getting massages at the airport and yelling, “YEAH, NOT WEIRD AT ALL!”

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25 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Maybe so many Americans wouldn’t be on anti-depressants if they read the inspirational quotes on Chipotle bags.

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24 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.”

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20 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Sorry but your loud motorcycle isn’t going to fix your shitty childhood.

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19 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

What a coincidence! Your jokes about the free U2 album also cost nothing, suck and appear on my computer without my permission.

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17 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Accidentally said hi to a guy in the hallway who was saying hi to someone behind me. Won’t be talking to another human for at least a decade

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17 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Who won The Voice last year?” would be an impossible password security question.

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15 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Now get out there and hit those guys like they’re women and children!” – NFL locker room halftime speech

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15 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I get so excited when someone brings out the cake at a birthday party because that means I can leave soon.

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12 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’m at Home Depot trying to decide between “Eggshell White” and “Complain About A Free U2 Album White”.

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12 September, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Welcome to the NFL. Just stand against that height chart and we’ll take your picture.”