Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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7 October, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I get so excited when someone brings out the cake at a birthday party because that means I can leave soon.

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7 October, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

You never truly know a friend until you see their reaction after asking for their wifi password.

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4 October, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Is it worth seeing Gravity if I’ve already seen a 5 Gum commercial?

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3 October, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Check out at this apartment that would be impossible to afford in real life based on this character’s occupation.” – Sitcoms

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2 October, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’ll never have the energy to be friends with someone who has an underscore in their email address.

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28 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Good luck becoming a world famous club DJ if you don’t own a jacket with 600 zippers on it.

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24 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

If the president doesn’t need to wear a Bluetooth on his ear, no one does.

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21 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

There is no better feeling in the world than receiving a long, emotional text message and only writing back “k”.

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19 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Whenever I see a guy driving a Mustang I wonder if this is the weekend he gets the kids.

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17 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Atheism is basically worshipping yourself for having a super unique take on organized religion, right?

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17 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I put more thought into choosing Instagram filters than I do birthday gifts.

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15 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Do you take this person to sit in the same room together, staring at computer screens in silence for as long as you both shall live?”

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15 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Every sentence in every book I try to read should just say, “I wonder what’s happening on the Internet.”

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14 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Anyone can do a great Vin Diesel impression by talking immediately after taking a big bite of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.