Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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10 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Will anyone on Facebook ever have the guts to let everyone else know they married their “best friend”?

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8 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

It’s nice that when Breaking Bad is on I have the entire Whole Foods to myself.

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6 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Congratulations, Americans who write “Cheers” at the end of e-mails. You’ve found something even more pretentious than “Sent from my iPhone”

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2 September, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The only reason to have a second kid is if your first one doesn’t get a lot of likes on Facebook.

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30 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Most important meal of the day?! Get over yourself, breakfast.

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30 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

By the end of a flight, I’ve found specific reasons to hate every single person on the plane.

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25 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Opening an Instagram photo from a link on Twitter is never worth it.

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25 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I bet Justin Timberlake being asked to reunite with *NSYNC feels like your mom asking you to call your aunt on her birthday.

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22 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“What did you do?” “Genocide. You?” “I shared a 10 Funniest Autocorrect FAILS on Facebook.” – Conversations in Hell

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21 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The fantasy part of my fantasy football league is pretending none of the players have murdered people.

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20 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

2013 me can’t believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8.

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19 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Putting an ad before a YouTube video is like putting a bouncer in front of a public toilet.

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19 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

A fun thing to say on Facebook when a friend announces they’re pregnant is “Yuck”.

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17 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I bet the Al Qaeda recruiting video is just footage of Americans waiting in line for cupcakes.