Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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16 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude’s pubes out of marble.

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16 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Tan mom is the world’s most successful 7-Eleven rotating hot dog.

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13 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“For every action there is an unequal and opposite overreaction.” – Newton’s law of the Internet

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13 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“10 Ways to Get That Pale, Doughy Beach Body!” – SHAPE magazine in the 1800s

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7 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Chris Brown said he might retire from music. That sure is going to leave him with a lot of time on his fists.

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4 August, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #45,302.

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31 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’ve never seen anyone wearing an Old Navy t-shirt that was the right fit.

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29 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The only form of torture I’d support is tying someone to a chair and having their just out of reach cell phone vibrate every few minutes.

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24 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“You know what would make this rice even better? Racism.” – Pitch meeting for Uncle Ben’s

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22 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

George Zimmerman helped 4 people out of an overturned SUV. I’m guessing it wasn’t a black SUV.

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19 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Each cigarette takes 7 seconds off your life but cigarette breaks take 30 minutes off every workday. So, it’s totally worth it.

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15 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I just flew in from Florida and boy are my arms tired from shooting whoever I wanted.

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12 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

It’s never your super successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.

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12 July, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’ve never seen a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt that didn’t look like he had high cholesterol.