Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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24 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The next Fast and the Furious should just be two hours of a guy doing steroids inside of a Nissan Cube.

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23 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Hey, companies. No one has their confirmation number. You’re the company, you do the work.

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22 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’ve never not silently said, “Of course.” after finding out someone I’ve been talking to owns a ferret.

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22 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Yes, America’s the fattest nation on earth but that also means we’re the funniest when falling off bicycles.

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22 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Anybody actually know what the fuck is supposed to happen in gazebos?

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18 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Someone just left me a voicemail. Can’t wait to get around to listening to it in 3 weeks.

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17 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Piñatas are a great way to realize that every child would slit your fucking throat for a bag of Skittles.

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15 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’ve never said “thank you” to a waiter less than 15 times throughout the course of a meal.

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13 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Delaware and now Minnesota. At this rate, I believe one day gay people will be able to marry in a state they actually find appealing.

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9 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I love restaurants that have signs like “Since 1916”. It’s a great way to know the place you’re eating at was probably super racist.

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9 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Congrats to Miley Cyrus for being #1 on Maxim’s Hot 100. Also, congrats to Billy Ray Cyrus for apparently being the new editor of Maxim.

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8 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

With Jodi Arias being found guilty, I can’t help but think how rock hard Nancy Grace’s penis must be right now.

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7 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Delaware legalizing gay marriage is a huge step in reminding us that there’s a Delaware.

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6 May, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

One day Ke$ha will run out of words that rhyme with beer and it’ll be all over.