Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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12 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Supercuts slogan should be, “It’ll grow out.”

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11 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Nurse, I need 10 cc’s of fluid, a scalpel and 100+ retweets about this kid from a celebrity on Twitter. STAT!” – 2013 doctor

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10 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

It’s a tight race for World’s Biggest Weirdos between people who buy clothes at Whole Foods and people who get massaged at Whole Foods.

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10 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Twitter’s suggestions of who to follow is like your mom trying to set you up on a date.

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9 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Louis CK is the most successful person with a goatee.

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8 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I feel there’s still hope for this world every time my computer’s spellcheck doesn’t recognize Kardashian.

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8 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I can’t believe there’s already another issue of The New Yorker available. I’m not even done pretending to read the last one.

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8 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I’m hungry for pancakes AND vague racism. Aunt Jemima, it is!

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4 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Nice try, blocked number but I don’t even answer the phone for people I know.

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2 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

So sick of mannequin makers mailing it in. Put a butthole on those things!

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2 April, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

I spent 7 minutes trying to click out of a pop-up ad until I realized it was Kristen Chenowith standing in front of my computer.

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29 March, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Here’s to Jesus turning water into something white women constantly Instagram.

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29 March, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

If you ask someone, “Why’d you unfollow me?” You already have your answer.

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28 March, 2013
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Sent an emoticon to a guy friend and we haven’t made eye contact since.