Allow my innate defense mechanism to entertain you

 
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7 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Sorry but the fact you took the time to fill out an online IQ test and post the results to Facebook means you’re an idiot.

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6 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The only people I respect in life are people at sporting events who don’t give a shit they’re on the Jumbotron.

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5 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Hey people trying on hats in the mirror at stores, let me help you out: No.

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5 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Stop complaining when fast food places mess up your order. You literally handed someone making minimum wage one dollar for meat.

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4 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Before taking that selfie, ask yourself, “Am I fourteen?”

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4 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The Notorious B.I.G. seemed real tough until you realize he spent part of a song bragging about eating brunch.

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3 August, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

There’s no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel.

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7 July, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

There’s stupid, then there’s liking Facebook on Facebook stupid.

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5 July, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Most people don’t know Bob Marley wrote songs so white people could have music on in the background during vacations.

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3 July, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

Vacations are great because I get to have the same crippling thoughts that don’t allow me to enjoy life in a totally new place.

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3 July, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

The thing that makes peeling out in a car so cool is that not just any moron can press his foot on a pedal and make a car go fast.

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29 June, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

If you’re selling a Hummer, don’t forget to put a sign on it that says, “For Sale by Asshole”.

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28 June, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“You press the channel button, then fifteen seconds later it changes the channel.” – Inventor of the hotel TV remote

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27 June, 2014
Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

“Hey, wanna lie to each other over plates of food?” – First dates