Sorry but the fact you took the time to fill out an online IQ test and post the results to Facebook means you’re an idiot.
The only people I respect in life are people at sporting events who don’t give a shit they’re on the Jumbotron.
Hey people trying on hats in the mirror at stores, let me help you out: No.
Stop complaining when fast food places mess up your order. You literally handed someone making minimum wage one dollar for meat.
Before taking that selfie, ask yourself, “Am I fourteen?”
The Notorious B.I.G. seemed real tough until you realize he spent part of a song bragging about eating brunch.
There’s no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel.
There’s stupid, then there’s liking Facebook on Facebook stupid.
Most people don’t know Bob Marley wrote songs so white people could have music on in the background during vacations.
Vacations are great because I get to have the same crippling thoughts that don’t allow me to enjoy life in a totally new place.
The thing that makes peeling out in a car so cool is that not just any moron can press his foot on a pedal and make a car go fast.
If you’re selling a Hummer, don’t forget to put a sign on it that says, “For Sale by Asshole”.
“You press the channel button, then fifteen seconds later it changes the channel.” – Inventor of the hotel TV remote
“Hey, wanna lie to each other over plates of food?” – First dates