Comedy
MY DAILY MONOLOGUE JOKES
Mar 25th
16 year old Justin Bieber performed on the Late Show with David Letterman the other night. This was the first time Justin has stayed up past 10pm without having to put a plate of cookies and milk near the fireplace.
Many people are saying that the new Obama health care reform bill is hard to understand and too confusing. Obama responded by saying that this is the last time he lets legislation be drafted by the writers of Lost.
MY DAILY MONOLOGUE JOKES
Mar 24th
I love reading the news everyday so I figured I would read the news and write some jokes nearly everyday for the next month…
-JWOWW of Jersey Shore fame has signed a deal to write a “guido guide” on how to achieve a fake-tanned, muscled-up, party-hard lifestyle. This marks the first time a book has been written by someone who has never actually opened a book.
-Republicans this week accused President Obama of trying to jam health care reform down the throats of the American people. Which is easy to do as long as you offer it with unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks.
NIGHT OF 140 TWEETS OUT TODAY!
Mar 22nd
A show I was in with Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Sarah Silverman, Dave Holmes, Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer and many more comedy folks is out today. Night of 140 Tweets is on amazon. ALL proceeds go to help re-build schools in Haiti.
CLICK HERE to buy. And if charity isn’t enough to lure you in, perhaps the opportunity to see a fully nude grown man will get you to buy it.
FOR MY STONER FANS
Mar 20th
I must have some stoner fans out there. (Yeah, that’s right, I’m talking to YOU…EDDIE! Am I buggin’ you out now man? Are you getting paranoid? HUH!?!?)
Well, wipe off the Doritos Collisions-residue covering your fingers and hit pause on Dark Side of the Moon and watch this…oh, and then go get a job.
LADY SINGS ON A CRUISE SHIP
Mar 19th
I’m not a cruise-ship type of person — meaning I don’t own a subscription to Today’s Grandparent magazine, and I’m not taking medication for a “going problem” that may actually be a sign of a “growing problem”. What I’m getting at is that cruise-ships are mostly for the elder members of our society. However, this performance below is actually starting to convince me that cruise-ship living can’t be all that bad, and I may have to get in on it. Wait around until 1:25 and enjoy…
