Gas prices have jumped to more than 9 dollars a gallon in a small town in Alaska. Democrats offered to help Sarah Palin save money at the pump by buying her a recalled Prius.

Bret Michaels’ sister spoke with Bret in the hospital and said he’s “sounding like Bret” again. Doctors admit this is a good sign, but are still waiting to upgrade his condition from “critical” to “freakin’ awesome”.

Amy Winehouse is being treated for bruised ribs. At least now her ribs match her liver.

An Iranian cleric blames earthquakes on promiscuous women. Great big fat promiscuous women.

A 15 year old boy has been accepted into Harvard, MIT and CalTech. He celebrated by making out with his imaginary girlfriend.