MY MONOLOGUE JOKES FOR TODAY
Apr 13th
Researchers in South Africa have found the fossilized remains of a species older than human beings. Luckily our oldest ancestor remains intact hosting Larry King Live.
Spirit Airlines has decided they will begin to charge an extra fee for your carry-on baggage. So good news for anyone wanting to join the mile high club; you no longer have to sneak into the plane’s bathroom to get screwed.
MY MONOLOGUE JOKES FOR TODAY
Apr 11th
The Post-It note celebrated it’s 30th anniversary this week. Post-It’s are famous for being sticky, and having writing all over them; kinda like any girl that just finished sleeping with Jesse James.
This week a 94 year old Wizard of Oz munchkin died. After his funeral he was glazed, powdered and lowered into a Dunkin’ Donuts box.
MY (somewhat) DAILY MONOLOGUE JOKES
Apr 10th
A new reality show is coming out called Sunset Daze, which is being described as a senior citizen version of Jersey Shore. The show will feature a signature catch-phrase, “Have you seen The Situation?” will be replaced with “Have you seen The Medication?”.
A group of women went shirtless in Maine to raise awareness for equal opportunity public toplessness. Interesting fact about women from Maine, their nipples are actually hairier than the men’s.
Apple has sold 700,000 iPads so far, which means 3.5 million dollars goes into Steve Jobs’ pocket. Note to self: Invest in black turtlenecks.
April 22nd will mark the 40th anniversary of Earth Day. Or as Sarah Palin calls it, “Thursday”.
CATS!
Apr 7th
The internet has given us so many cat videos. You get all the pleasure of enjoying a cat without having to deal with their complete lack of respect for your furniture and the smell of pee in your house.
Standing Cat Stands for You – watch more funny videos
