The Fahey Chronicles
Please don't die in the blizzard, unless you're someone who talks on your phone while ordering at Starbucks.
Hey New York, I've got 300 Instagram photos of my feet at the beach ready to fucking go.
and we are deep dishin it at
I dream of the day when automatic paper towel dispensers finally realize the human hand isn’t 3 inches long.
2 days ago
Sorry about all the blood, I just used a Chipotle napkin to blow my nose.
"I spent an entire day of precious life mad about deflated balls." - A disturbing amount of people on their deathbeds
Whenever I hear someone at a funeral say, "He never had a bad word to say about anyone." I always think, "What a boring dead guy."
There are no bigger losers in the world than the people who thank you on Waze.
I'm really enjoying this book by
making fun of food culture.
Hey "nerds", not once during Theory of Everything did Stephen Hawking refer to himself as a "nerd". And he's STEPHEN FN HAWKING, so SHUT UP!
Photos of a beautiful man
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