The Fahey Chronicles
Uh-oh. Your tenth smartest friend is posting inspirational quotes again.
10 hours ago
If you hear, “He never had a bad word to say about anybody”, you're at a boring guy's funeral.
If FOX is looking for an O'Reilly replacement, I'd just like to say I've hosted TV before and am too shy to even look most women in the eye.
Marriage is mostly hearing a muffled, “Remember, we have that thing tonight” through a wall.
Kinda had it with the "Thanks for all the birthday love! You guys rock!" Facebook people.
Fucking heartbreaking to see a restaurant just now start using Mason jars for glasses.
Jared Kushner's the kinda guy who yells, "Play Kokomo!" at a Beach Boys concert.
Oh great. The person who took twelve minutes in the restaurant bathroom was a sweaty chef who clearly just took a shit.
If you're an elderly person eating, don't even think about not having a chunk of food stuck to your face throughout the entire meal.
Band of Brooks Brothers
When you care enough to hit Send
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